The Power of Ten

Over a year ago I watched this video at a LIVE conference with John Assaraf as the keynote speaker. It was an extremely powerful conference on Mindset and this video in itself was not only impressive...but powerful. Take a minute to sit back and watch the video and then ponder the concept.....make a comment here. This is one for great discussion.

Mindset: Mid-Life Change

The number one topic that we discuss here is change and when it comes down to brass tacks...the one change that is predominant throughout discussions among men and women at Mid-life are: Purpose in Life…this can be the problem or it is the answer!

Men and women at mid-life go through the same transitions in varying degrees...feeling unsettled, dissatisfied, bored and unhappy with their life. Many seem to focus in on the one relationship that is dominant in their lives…their marriage. Being a wife and mother/husband and father has defined them for several years. These roles have also defined the reason why they have stayed within a career or a marriage that may have not really suited them…they remained working at their job because it puts food on the table, clothes on everyone’s back and a roof over their head. They’ve stayed within a marriage for the sake of the children; it’s safe or the marriage has served them in one way or another.

Some how when roles change and the need is no longer there or is lessening, we tend to revisit why we are there or why we’ve been even doing it at all. We start searching for something…for the new need …a need for excitement, passion, significance, excellence, love, success and abundance. Anything is better than the same old, same old. People work for what they want within the circumstances that they are in and that work becomes their burden. But soon…the dissatisfaction quietly starts …a slight rumbling within the spirit…with each experience or event, along with the physical changes that are occurring within our bodies…the small rumble turns in to an explosion of discontent, dissatisfaction and uneasiness and a multitude of questioning. The want turns in to a need for change.

Most Mid-life Crisis triggers tend to change your purpose in life, whether you’ve chosen it or not. Children grow up and move away, parents need care or pass away, illness/disease happen, jobs are lost or change, moves occur, finances increase or decrease, friends and family come and go….both men and women go through physical changes at this age (menopause or andropause)…ALL cause change. The brain doesn’t like change…this is why change hurts and we struggle with it. Change goes against everything the brain is trying to do…which is keeping a person in their comfort zone…even if the zone is not that comfortable.

As much as we want change at this point in our lives, we are not ready for change. As human beings, we don’t seem to understand the mechanics of change. Most people are not prepared and this is why it knocks us right off our feet when change occurs suddenly or even when we think we have prepared for it. People have a tendency to barrel ahead in to changing things without thinking about the consequences of what the changes will do in their lives and to those that they live and love. So, knowing and understanding the mechanics of change is important, along with a sound mental and physical state; strategy or plan and knowing the goal and purpose of the change.

The kicker to all of what we are feeling is: as much as we think we want change the more we resist it. Resistance comes at a subconscious level in our brains. It is the primary cause for all the confusion, frustration and inability to make clear or sound decisions. Plus, we resist the change because we are not clear on the ultimate goal and we don’t have a sound strategy or plan., so our resistance to the change increases.

Next time, we will be looking at Mid-life Mindset: Resistance and what we can do to combat the resistance and easily move through the changes with little or no pain.

Complimentary Books for this article: Thresholds of the Mind, Who Switched of My Brain?, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

MidLife Mindset: You've Always Had the Power!

I have been taking a much needed break from all my blogging at various web sites to work on my upcoming book on women in MLC. Indeed, there is very little out there for women who are going through Mid-life Crisis...in fact, the age for the crisis keeps on dropping...but the textbook quality of what is happening is not changing...just what we are calling it. Most books on MLC skim for the pain, hurt, confusion and frustration...they expect every woman to be able to breeze through the change or just pick themselves up by the boot straps and move on. The women that can do this are NOT in crisis...they are merely in transition. Transitioning women have the needed coping skills, the needed support and a positive mindset to work through the changes that are occurring in their lives, while those who move in to crisis become lost because they don't have the tools to fix or deal with what is going on....they need to go back and get or replenish their life's toolbox.

This is also becoming very apparent in my research for our younger sisters also Thirty year olds are now having the Quarter-Life Crisis (QLC), the Twenty year olds are being lumped in with QLC's but I call them Bi-centennial-life Crisis (BLC)...if anyone knows the real name for this age...tell me...I can't find it. BUT...all of these women are struggling with their identities, their significance, what makes them excellent; worthy...they want to create meaning in their lives...find happiness and abundance. Why? The meaning of way we live our life in our society has changed over the years...what used to be taboo is no longer AND we live lives that are at a much faster pace with larger expectations attached. We are inundated with messages...definitions that do not correlate with the way we were raised or the way our parents were raised. In our day and time...just about anything goes...we consciously believe that we can live without boundaries and deal breakers BUT the fact that our family histories or legacies rule our days subconsciously, we tend become fragmented, unbalanced...confused. In the end, whatever age you are, no matter what triggers or symptoms you are feeling that you believe is causing the crisis...it all goes back to your perspective or your mindset...what you believe to true!

Knowledge, understanding, a positive mindset and a life strategy is the foundation and framework you need to live a life of significance, success and abundance. If you don't have these things in your toolbox...it is time to go back and get them. Only you can do this...it is hard work...it takes perseverance, strength and a willingness to go full out! If you are at the point that you will do anything and everything to be happy...then start with your inner being first...do NOT rely on others to steer your life's ship...YOU must be the master and commander of your life's direction. Destructive behaviors, such as affairs, addictions, divorce, over spending are NOT an option...the mess you will make with these behaviors will only destroy you in the end. Do you really need to have others tell you their stories of how these behaviors destroyed them? Only teenagers believe that they are invincible...you are long past this stage...let's start where you are! Discernment will be your best friend throughout this change...you will have to sift through all the information that is given you. Start using your brain first...your heart always follows...in fact...it is your brain that controls the heart...not the other way around. Wrap your mind around this understanding...if you can do this...you have made a grand step forward!

Please stay tuned because I will be posting articles on this subject that will help you, but in the mean time, I highly recommend anyone wanting to get a head start, please purchase or download a copy of John Assaraf's book, "Having It All: Achieving Life's Goals and Dreams". The audio version is the best because Mr. Assaraf reads the book himself and his passion for the subject he has written is electrifying. Realize that Mr. Assaraf is a highly successful business man and he applies his theories and strategies to business, BUT he has made this a way of life....and you can too! I have great success and abundance in all aspects of life since reading, learning and using the techniques that John Assaraf teaches. I also encourage anyone who is interested to come to womeninmlc.lefora.com, post questions, seek advice and join the Mindset for Life group study, I will introducing in the next few weeks.

Finally, it really doesn't quite matter what your age is anymore...all human beings move or transition through the seasons of life, this we have no control over this fact...BUT...we do have control over HOW we transition...we can either choose to transition, work and adjust to create positive change OR we can fall in to crisis, turn our lives upside down...destroy what is good and regret the bad and allow the change to eat us from the inside out. Your perspective or mindset is the key to success and abundance...

It IS your choice...which do you want...or should I say...which do you NEED?

"Dorothy: Oh will you help me? Can you help me?

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.

Dorothy: I have?

The Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.

The Tin Man: What have you learned, Dorothy?

Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"

Taken from Wikipedia on November 10, 2008. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Wizard_of_Oz

Join us at: Women in Mid-Life Crisis a forum created for women who are struggling with mid-life issues and for the men who love them.