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Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The number one topic that we discuss here is change and when it comes down to brass tacks...the one change that is predominant throughout discussions among men and women at Mid-life are: Purpose in Life…this can be the problem or it is the answer!
Men and women at mid-life go through the same transitions in varying degrees...feeling unsettled, dissatisfied, bored and unhappy with their life. Many seem to focus in on the one relationship that is dominant in their lives…their marriage. Being a wife and mother/husband and father has defined them for several years. These roles have also defined the reason why they have stayed within a career or a marriage that may have not really suited them…they remained working at their job because it puts food on the table, clothes on everyone’s back and a roof over their head. They’ve stayed within a marriage for the sake of the children; it’s safe or the marriage has served them in one way or another.
Some how when roles change and the need is no longer there or is lessening, we tend to revisit why we are there or why we’ve been even doing it at all. We start searching for something…for the new need …a need for excitement, passion, significance, excellence, love, success and abundance. Anything is better than the same old, same old. People work for what they want within the circumstances that they are in and that work becomes their burden. But soon…the dissatisfaction quietly starts …a slight rumbling within the spirit…with each experience or event, along with the physical changes that are occurring within our bodies…the small rumble turns in to an explosion of discontent, dissatisfaction and uneasiness and a multitude of questioning. The want turns in to a need for change.
Most Mid-life Crisis triggers tend to change your purpose in life, whether you’ve chosen it or not. Children grow up and move away, parents need care or pass away, illness/disease happen, jobs are lost or change, moves occur, finances increase or decrease, friends and family come and go….both men and women go through physical changes at this age (menopause or andropause)…ALL cause change. The brain doesn’t like change…this is why change hurts and we struggle with it. Change goes against everything the brain is trying to do…which is keeping a person in their comfort zone…even if the zone is not that comfortable.
As much as we want change at this point in our lives, we are not ready for change. As human beings, we don’t seem to understand the mechanics of change. Most people are not prepared and this is why it knocks us right off our feet when change occurs suddenly or even when we think we have prepared for it. People have a tendency to barrel ahead in to changing things without thinking about the consequences of what the changes will do in their lives and to those that they live and love. So, knowing and understanding the mechanics of change is important, along with a sound mental and physical state; strategy or plan and knowing the goal and purpose of the change.
The kicker to all of what we are feeling is: as much as we think we want change the more we resist it. Resistance comes at a subconscious level in our brains. It is the primary cause for all the confusion, frustration and inability to make clear or sound decisions. Plus, we resist the change because we are not clear on the ultimate goal and we don’t have a sound strategy or plan., so our resistance to the change increases.
Next time, we will be looking at Mid-life Mindset: Resistance and what we can do to combat the resistance and easily move through the changes with little or no pain.
Complimentary Books for this article: Thresholds of the Mind, Who Switched of My Brain?, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.